i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think people are normalizing furries
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
