Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize