Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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