then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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