Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
