My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
