I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
