I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
