you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
