Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
