im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You pole danced in your parka.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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