So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
