alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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