I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
