In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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