Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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