so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i now understand why vodka
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
