If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
