So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
