Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
