god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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