What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
