i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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