2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize