i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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