Your tits are I can't wait for
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just found a bag of teeth...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
