Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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