If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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