Already got asked if we're dating
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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