I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
