Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
