it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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