I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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