Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
