If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
