so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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