i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
