So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
