if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
