The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm at about main and main street
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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