I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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