your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
