maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
