I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
