I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
