Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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