i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
