oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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