You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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