hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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