apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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