when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
