Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Screwed.edu
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
