Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Every concussion has its silver lining
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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