i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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