I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize