Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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