I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
