I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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