i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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