okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
