I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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