Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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