If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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