Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
