i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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