Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
