you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
