woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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